Thankfulness

When we’re angry our true colors show in painful clarity.  “What a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is.  Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth” (Goddard, 2009, p114).  Was I the only one who immediately scanned their past heated outbursts after reading that?  What is my true nature?  Am I a monster cleverly masked as a compassionate wife and mother?  I hope not, but I never can be sure as I view myself and my actions with rose colored lenses.

However, there are times when I get a glimpse of myself that seems true, yet is tainted with unhappiness.  Whether I’m sharing it intentionally or not, I can be a little too frank with my husband at times.  I don’t notice my harsh words until they have spilled over my lips and filled the air.  I may not mean them the way they are received, but it doesn’t change their effect.  Negative.

Gottman shares that there is a good 20% of our spouses that will be either irreconcilable differences or just irritating to us.  The trick is to focus on the 80% and the key: thankfulness.  One way Gottman encourages us to battle a negative disposition and outlook on our spouse is to find qualities to be thankful for in them.  If I understand that correctly, sharing gratitude for our spouse really makes a difference for the better.  Gottman counsels that as we practice thanksgiving, “You’ll receive a great gift: You will become less critical of yourself” (Gottman, 1999, p284).

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Not only will we become less critical of self, but we will be aware of the great talents and blessings our loved ones have to offer.  Focusing on the positive weeds our souls of contempt and darkness.  What a beautiful time of year to begin focusing on thanksgiving and kind things to say to, and about, our better halves.

-Mrs.

References:

Goddard, H. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Utah: Joymap Publishing.

Gottman, John M. and Nan Silver (1999).  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books.