Ka-klunk, ka-klunk, ka-klunk, ka-klunk, the sound penetrated my head, causing my brain to be jarred from its comfortable resting place. As my teeth chattered with each dip of the car, I quickly became irritated that my husband was incapable of driving inside the designated lane on the freeway. Oh my gosh, he never pays attention to the road when driving. Instead he scans the landscape for potential hunting spots or wandering bucks.
He remained on the broken line of the road, a few seconds longer than necessary, only to sway the other direction hitting the zipper on the far-right side of the freeway. Justin forced that medium pitched hum to permeate the vehicle, raising the noise level a handful of decibels and that was it! I couldn’t take the inconsistency of car management anymore.
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“Please, let me drive!” I demanded, not even attempting to remain calm. “What? I was looking at something,” he responded, irritation rising in his tone. “It’s not hard to stay in the middle of the lane. I can’t stand riding in the car with you,” I criticized. “It’s not that bad, it’s called driving by brail,” he humored, trying at a repair attempt. I wasn’t having it. “Why don’t you trust me? I’m a trained professional!” he escalated, meeting my anger and rising to a new level. “This isn’t about trust, it’s about safety. You mimic a drunk driver when you swerve from one side to the next. You almost hit that car a minute ago and I don’t feel safe. Please pull over, you’re done driving!” I commanded. This only led to flooding on his part, “Every time we get in the car you always criticize my driving. I drive for a living, it’s my career, why won’t you trust me? You haven’t been trained the way I have behind the wheel,” he said, anger flashing across his face. Knowing there was no way out of this conversation, he finally decided to change his role from defense to offense. “Fine, you drive the rest of the way. I’m never driving again,” he responded, with an immediate stonewall once in the passenger seat.
For all the marriage problems we avoid, the Lord had to allow a few imperfections to come our way, driving is definitely one of them. The irony: he really is a highway patrolman and does drive for a living.
Early in Gottman’s book he mentions that not all problems are solvable in marriage. Thank you, Jesus, for inspiriting John Gottman to write this book! My whole marriage I have tried to conquer this conflict over driving with Justin and it doesn’t work. I immediately shared with my husband that not all problems are solvable in marriage and we both smiled, looked at each other and said, “driving.” We didn’t need to check with one another, we know our biggest struggles. We’ve known for 15 years. What a relief to learn, “You don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive” (Gottman, 1999, p139).
-Mrs.
Reference:
Gottman, John M. and Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books.
Love and Marriage 