Listening

This week I learned how listen better. I have always been a good listener but not necessarily a great listener that helps the person I am listening to know that I have an understanding of what they are going through. To repeat back a summary of what they have been saying in your own words can validate what they are feeling and lets them know you care and are listening. It also gives them an opportunity to clarify if you missed something. I think this is a great opportunity to score some big points with not just your spouse. It can help your relationship with anyone you associate with.

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However, there were a few things about this week’s lesson material that I do not agree with. In the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John M. Gottman wants you to agree or side with your spouse when something they are stressed about happens away from home. In the scenarios, Gottman encourages role play on what to say in order to side with your spouse in certain circumstances. I am more than willing to side with my spouse when something occurs that frustrates or stresses her in one way or another. The issue I have with this is sometimes when someone is in error, we should not support them when they may be the cause of the situation. I agree that we should have empathy and support your spouse but we should not uphold or support misbehavior or a fault caused by your spouse simple because they are your spouse. In this circumstance, I would console and give assistance and let them know that you see how frustrated they are but I don’t think it is appropriate to praise someone if they are in the wrong. I think that a better action would be to talk it out with them and help them, not necessarily give advice, because Gottman said not to give advice in this exercise, but help them think it out and realize for themselves that they may have been the cause of the scenario.

On the flip side, I enjoyed reading Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.  I loved the answer that H. Wallace Goddard gave to helping us turn into our spouse. To have faith in the Savior is to learn to love your spouse. That will work in almost every aspect of live. I think that it is a great practice and should be a refocus for everyone every day

-Mr.

Reference:

Gottman, J, & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (2nd ed.). New York: Harmony Books.

Goddard, H. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Utah: Joymap Publishing.