“Adam, we had two sons
Both- Oh, Adam-
multiply
sorrow
Dear God, Why?”
(Lamentation, by Arta Romney Ballif)
This brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes! How can I be old enough to have children and young enough to never have thought about Eve’s response to Cain and Able? Is there a scarier nightmare than getting word that one of your children killed the other, intentionally? Do you stop loving the fugitive? Oh, Eve! I am so sorry. My heart is breaking for you thousands of years later.
I already love Elder Hafen, but reading his thoughts in regard to Ballif’s poem was eye-opening. I made the connection that leaving the temple on my wedding day was parallel to Adam and Eve leaving the garden of Eden because:
• They were headed into the unknown
• They were authorized and capable of procreation
• They anticipated that the journey ahead would be worth it in the end
As the Mr. and I left the temple (“garden”) after our wedding, we were all smiles. It wasn’t until moving into our first apartment that small trials headed our way in the form of cockroaches. These little party animals ran wild in the dark and were everywhere. We had a bug man spray inside our living quarters, but to no avail, these bugs really wanted to be part of our new life together. Lying awake at night, I just knew they would try to sneak into my sheets and eat me.
I began to be exhausted from lack of sleep, only to add additional life stresses that had crept up on me. I was in a new town, new university, new to the hormones of birth control pills, looking for a job to help pay our bills, struggling to stay on top of my heavy class work load… I was an emotional tornado. #CueCockroaches
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Luckily, my husband suggested I lower my school standards just a little, calm down about finding a job, stop taking the pills, and learn to love the roaches. I followed his advice and small miracles began to take place.
A less active woman showed up to church, the only Sunday I can remember, and offered me a job in the middle of Relief Society. School turned into a routine I could manage well and the cockroaches began to subside. When they did appear, I was less squirmish.
During this time, my husband and I were asked to stand before our gospel doctrine class as the teacher used us as an example. He asked us to look into each other’s eyes and say, “I love you.” So, we stood there with a room full of eyes staring back at us as we proclaimed our love for each other.
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When we sat down, the brother teaching remarked, “Remember what that feels like, Brother and Sister Pollock. In 10 years, I want you to do the same thing, but I promise you: it will mean something different at that time.” Chuckles and nodding heads permeated the room as we were by far the youngest wedded couple in attendance.
It’s true. 15 years later, it does mean something different. More, I’d say. Our essential learning is together as a couple. I have had some disasters and miracles with my husband and each event has added scrapes and bruises to our marriage. We call these scars: character. We love character.
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*Link to the full Lamentation poem here
Love and Marriage 